Tauyua's Playlist
by A Clockwork Pumelo
Summary: Good old times with the Sound Four, Akatsuki, Sand Siblings, and everyone else who doesn't give a crap if it's not canon to have wild parties in the Sound village! Set to Tayuya's playlist, this adventure is part angst, part romance, and completely CRACK!
1. Chapter 1

**Tayuya's Playlist**

**By A Clockwork Pumelo**

**I do not own Naruto or any of the characters herein.**

**I also don't own rights to any of the music or lyrics used herein.**

**Please don't sue me.**

4:25 p.m. Friday February 25th, Sound Hideout, Otohagakure:

Tayuya plugged the audio cable from her iPod into the Sound hideout's DJ setup in the main hall with a maniacal grin, remembering last Friday night…

*Flashback*

That was _such_ an epic fail. Tayuya had woken up smelling like her own private minibar. She didn't remember _anything_ from the night before, and struggled against the pounding in her head to figure out what to tell Orochimaru... until she noticed him laying face-down in the remnants of _her_ clothes. Ehh, she still had most of her underwear on, and it wasn't like anyone _cared_ if she was naked. They were all still unconscious.

"Damn..." Picking her way through spiderweb-covered pieces of what had once been the chandelier, she made her way to the back steps and opened the door just in time to send a cascade of suspiciously sparkly puke out onto the lawn. A few meters away Sakon was passed out in the yard, so that ruled him out as to whom she had woken up next to. Once she was finished barfing, she noticed that there was glitter all over the room (which she still hadn't managed to get out of her hair by_ this_ Friday), and pink flamingos in the pool… wait... She didn't even know they _had_ a pool, but it was also filled with glitter. And since when had there ever been a pink flamingo within a mile of the hideout? A week later she was still trying to connect the dots on that one. Most of it was a blacked-out blur, but she was pretty sure it ruled after viewing the video footage from the hideout's cameras. She figured that at some point last Friday Night, the Sound Four had:

-Danced on table tops, and Jiroubo had broken most of them.

-Taken too many shots… six at once for Kidoumaru.

-She had kissed someone. Who? No idea. She forgot.

-All maxed their credit cards. Orochimaru would be _pissed_ when he found out they even _had _credit cards. That was a serious breach of canon!

-Gotten kicked out of ALL the bars in Sound country. Ouch.

-Hit the boulevard, where Sakon and Ukon took turns vomiting and walking. Apparently, she had uploaded it to Youtube at some point during the night.

-Gone streaking in the park… all the way back to the hideout… but that still didn't explain why Orochimaru had been using her purple bow as a pillow.

-Skinny dipped in the dark. So that's what the pool was for… this was all starting to make sense now.

-Had a menage a trois. Or at least Sakon, Ukon, and Karin had. Hah, that slut. Everyone else knew that Sakon had STD's.

*End Flashback*

Yeah, she knew they broke the laws.

They always said they were going to stop with this nonsense, but this Friday night they would inevitably do it all again. Why? Because it was what they did _every_ Friday night. And she'd spent this last week on another mission with Kimimaro, eating squirrels and listening to him cough all night. She wanted junk food, sex and alcohol, and tonight she was going to get at _least_ two of those things.

"I got a feeling... that tonight is going to be a good night..." She sang to herself, delving into the tangled mass of cables that lead to the various speakers bolted around the room and connecting all of them with expert ease. She'd been so stressed out lately, and knew that the others were coming home soon to party too. After testing the sound system to see if it was loud enough, she was satisfied that it still had the correct amount of **boom boom boom**. As the darkness closed around the Sound hideout, she knew it was the time to go looking for something wild... or some_one_ wild...

So she grabbed the keys to her gold Trans-Am, filled a water bottle full of whiskey, and slipped it into her weapons pouch. On second thought... she just grabbed the rest of the case and threw it in the back seat, cracking a bottle and sipping it as she sent all her friends this text:

**Party 2nite Sound B****es!**

**Let's take off our fancy pants tonight!**

Jamming the key into the ignition, Tayuya held the bottle of whiskey in one hand while she cranked the steering wheel all the way around with the other, executing a k-turn that made the old car's gears shriek and gnash before fishtailing out of the Sound hideout's driveway. Her gleeful cackling echoed in her wake, along with plenty of flying gravel and blue smoke. Turning on the radio, she fiddled with the controls while trying to find a good place for the whiskey bottle. It kept tipping and spilling whenever she used that hand to steer, and it was a waste of good whiskey! Finding the perfect station, she jammed the bottle between her knees before just giving up and cranking the seat back so she could drive with her foot and have both hands free for booze-related tasks. In other words, opening another bottle of Jack before she got on the freeway.

"... Oh, there's a place I know If you're looking for a show, where they go hardcore and there's glitter on the floor..." She sang as she plotted a course for Rain Country and wondered if Kakuzu would pay for gas. All the other drivers on the freeway heard was the roar of the old Trans Am's engine and a doppler-distorted slew of lewd lyrics as Tayuya swept all the way into the carpool lane, pedal to the metal and windows rolled down to let her fiery hair whip around her head in the 90-mile-per-hour breeze she was creating.

"Damnit, can't this old piece of s*** go any faster?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Tayuya's Playlist Chapter 2**

**By A Clockwork Pumelo**

**I do not own Naruto or any of the characters herein.**

**I also don't own rights to any of the music or lyrics used herein.**

**Please don't sue me.**

Forty-five minutes of broken speed limits and one run-over Kazekage later…

"Tayuya! Have you lost your _mind_?" The Kazekage's sand lifted the fully-loaded Trans-Am off of his legs as he got to his feet and fetched his wide-brimmed hat. He had gotten her text and wanted to go to the party. Temari and Kankuro would take care of things while he was gone… but damn, that car was full! Had she actually _taken out_ the seats? He wondered for a moment if he would have to ride on the roof. Actually, that might be preferable…

"Tayuya, can you fit another person in-" He was cut off when she reached out the window and grabbed him by the front of his Kazekage robe, pulling him close to her and into the cloud of alcoholic fumes that billowed out of the car.

"Only if you lose your clothes…" she slurred, grabbing his collar to whisper in his ear, "…_lose them now_." Gaara cringed and felt his junk try to crawl up inside his body as her rough fingers stumbled across the hidden zipper in his white robes and she tried to yank them off. Was she trying to _strip_ him?

"How about I just ride in the trunk?" He gasped as he struggled out of her grip. Tossing his abandoned clothes aside, she nodded and took another gulp of Jack. It was a tight fit when Gaara got in, and he indeed had to lose _all_ of his outer garments _and_ his gourd. But it didn't matter. There was booze of all kinds in the trunk. Beer, wine, vodka, and whiskey galore! She had her own _liquor store_ back there, and Gaara planned to drink his way to a more comfortable fit. Anko helped him by taking a few cases up to the back seat and cracking a beer for Tayuya.

"Why doesn't this piece of s*** have freaking cup holders!"

Half way back, Gaara opened the trunk lid to puke, throw bottles, and notice that Tayuya was plowing over and through the curbs of a residential street with wild abandon, knocking over trash cans and clipping mailboxes left and right. Gaara was well on his way to being absolutely faded by this time and the vomiting was more from motion sickness than anything, but hey, as long as he wasn't the designated driver he didn't give a… didn't give a, didn't give a…

"Huuuuaaggggggggggggghhh!" He puked just as Tayuya threw the car into reverse, and it splashed everywhere. By the time the car full of inebriated ninjas arrived, battered and smoking, at the Sound hideout, everything was a filthy, hot mess. Mostly of puke. Orochimaru greeted them as they each disentangled themselves with a blast from the Sound hideout's emergency fire-hose. Tayuya was the last to disembark, dropping the keys and falling on her drunken face when she bent over to grab them. Hearing Kabuto's disapproving snicker from somewhere far away, she was lifted into his arms as she passed out and was carried to the infirmary.

"I'll bet she'll wake up in the morning feeling even more like P. Diddy than last time!" The gray-haired medic tittered as hefted the redhead over his shoulder and started applying detox-chakra to her kidneys and liver. She'd be fine in no time, but Kabuto knew that Tayuya would be back. The Irish never knew when to stop drinking, tsk, tsk…

And so it was. When the dark of the night came around, that was the time that two patients in the hospital seemed to come to life, each looking for something wild. Kimimaro was first to open his eyes, feeling the distant pounding of bass from the floor below. It had been so long since he had danced in the dark, where nobody could see him falling apart, both emotionally and physically. Sliding needle after needle carefully out of his veins, he wound gauze around his wrists and elbows before finding a good vein in his hand.

"Poison… inject me…" He whispered as he drew a syringe full of glowing green liquid and tapped the needle to get rid of any air. Drawing a shaky breath, he coaxed the needle into his vein and emptied the entire syringe of restorative into his system, hissing at the corrosive sting of the concentrated compound.

"Ahhh, ha,_ ha_…" Flinging the used hypodermic aside, the Kaguya threw off the sheets of his hospital bed and stood up, shaking out his platinum hair and heading off to his old room to get ready for tonight. As he passed the rows of beds in the main infirmary, he caught sight of _her_, ginger hair splayed out in knots on her pillow as she snored. Gods, she was pretty. He stopped and bent over her, wiping a drop of drool from the corner of her open mouth and licking it off his finger. _Jack Daniels_; as he suspected. As the redhead continued to sleep, he amended his first though. Screw pretty, she was _beautiful_, even if she snored like a freight train and brushed her teeth with whiskey every morning. She was beautiful, but the things she did made him uneasy. It bothered him every time he saw Kidoumaru coming on to her. It bothered him that she drank so much, those nights when he happened to pass by her door and press his ear to it to hear her sing old love songs out of key. And it bothered him even more, seeing her so vulnerable…

White, greasy hair brushed up against matted strands of red hair as his lips collected minute flecks of glitter off her cool cheek. Even her skin tasted like alcohol, and he couldn't resist moving on to her lips, just once. Pulling away from the taste of her, an alcohol-poisoned paradise, he realized… he was addicted, utterly and hopelessly.

"Don't ask me how or why, but I'm going to make it happen this time. Our teenage dream tonight, yeah I'm going to make it happen this time…" Tearing himself away from her presence, an intoxicated Kimimaro fumbled around in Kabuto's walk-in medicine cabinet and found two more vials of the restorative, injecting another and keeping the last one for later. Smelling himself, he grimaced and headed for his room. A shower was in order. And perhaps a change of clothes. Definitely.

Tayuya awoke to glitter in her mouth and a hangover that should have been a lot worse. Checking her watch, the redhead snuck out of the infirmary, almost stepping on a couple of needles that had been tossed carelessly to the floor. A quick check into Kimimaro's ICU confirmed her suspicions. He was going to be at the party. Gleefully, she skipped off to her room for a hot shower and a large cup of coffee… with a shot or three of Bailey's.

"Guess I'm really missing you…" she said, clutching at her towel and watching the Bailey's swirl around in her cup… the same color as his hair… almost… Gulping the coffee, Tayuya put on her best party clothes. Tonight was the night...


End file.
